So.. it's me.. I haven't posted in a while. I'm sorry about that but life got crazy like I was in a good place with my boyfriend but then suddenly not in a good place and now we're no longer together. Two days after our eighth month anniversary, so basically I've been sitting here thinking and I just have no motivation anymore. I can honestly say that I wished I was dead more in these past 10 days then I have in 8 months. Mostly I just want to be hit head on with a semi so it won't take long. But I also know that my family needs me but that's all that's holding me together.
On the other hand I've started my senior year of high school so that's kind of fun but annoying because I have no one to vent to or just talk to someone and have them tell me everything is going to be okay. This is it for now but I wanted to give an update on how i was and stuff. I'm sorry this was kind of sad. Bye for now
Monday, September 19, 2016
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Questions
So lets start talking about something else. I want to know is anyone reading this? I know my boyfriend is but I want to know if anyone else is. Is this worth my time? Does anyone like my blog, does anyone care if I continue writing this? I just want to know because i want this to be worth my time. I know I just started but I'm wondering and I don't want to write this if no one is reading. I'll post later in the week. I really like this so let me know.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Tips I guess
So, I've told you what works for me most of the tomr. All I can say now is you just have to wait for things to get better. One thing i always looked forward to is getting my license which I have now so the next thing I'm looking forward to is graduating high school. It's not something huge I look forward to its just that I'm graduating soon and that's a huge milestone for me.
When looking forward to something it doesn't have to be a huge thing it could be finishing a book or start writing a book(go big or go home right?) when doing something you want to finish it. When I was 12 I wanted to finish killing myself because of what was happening in my life but I'm past that now because I wanted to be happy and I couldn't leave the people I loved. I still have those thoughts but I can deal with them better now that I want to stay around the people I love.
One goal for me during the week is write three knew blog updates and this week I accomplished that goal. Maybe some weeks there will be more than three I don't know yet. But it's something I want to do because I can help those who need help when they read my blog. Otherwise I'd be just needing another outlet for myself but I really don't have the time to find one. Im a junior in high school I have a social life, a job and I help my mom a lot and I have an amazing boyfriend who puts up with me and doesn't care if I'm mean because I'm having a bad day he still helps me out and I really love that he does.
I just want everyone to be okay and it had to start with me because if I'm not okay then there's no way I can help others. Have your littke goals because once you realize you can get those done no proble!m you can get bigger and better goals. But you have to start with you before others
When looking forward to something it doesn't have to be a huge thing it could be finishing a book or start writing a book(go big or go home right?) when doing something you want to finish it. When I was 12 I wanted to finish killing myself because of what was happening in my life but I'm past that now because I wanted to be happy and I couldn't leave the people I loved. I still have those thoughts but I can deal with them better now that I want to stay around the people I love.
One goal for me during the week is write three knew blog updates and this week I accomplished that goal. Maybe some weeks there will be more than three I don't know yet. But it's something I want to do because I can help those who need help when they read my blog. Otherwise I'd be just needing another outlet for myself but I really don't have the time to find one. Im a junior in high school I have a social life, a job and I help my mom a lot and I have an amazing boyfriend who puts up with me and doesn't care if I'm mean because I'm having a bad day he still helps me out and I really love that he does.
I just want everyone to be okay and it had to start with me because if I'm not okay then there's no way I can help others. Have your littke goals because once you realize you can get those done no proble!m you can get bigger and better goals. But you have to start with you before others
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Some things that worked for me
When I was starting to get confident in myself I got rid of everything in my life that made me upset cause I knew it wasn't hood for me to have them in my life if I wanted to get better. The first thing I did was throw away what I self harmed with because if that temptation was there I wouldn't get better.
Then I started watching movies whenever I could because I didn't have to think during them. I really got into The Nightmare before Christmas because I wanted a relationship like Jack and Sally. Well when they got together that's what I wanted and now I have that and I'm so happy with it
I also had to realize that happiness started with me. I couldn't depend on someone else because I wouldn't be tritely happy. Yes you can find someone who makes you happy but don't rely on them for all your happiness because they can leave in a matter of seconds. Happieness is your decision and if you dont want it them you can't really be helped. Well you can but only to a certain point because you'll eventually give up on the person helping you.
Everyone has the potential to get better even if you don't think you do you actually do and you just need to find a way to get to your happiness.
Then I started watching movies whenever I could because I didn't have to think during them. I really got into The Nightmare before Christmas because I wanted a relationship like Jack and Sally. Well when they got together that's what I wanted and now I have that and I'm so happy with it
I also had to realize that happiness started with me. I couldn't depend on someone else because I wouldn't be tritely happy. Yes you can find someone who makes you happy but don't rely on them for all your happiness because they can leave in a matter of seconds. Happieness is your decision and if you dont want it them you can't really be helped. Well you can but only to a certain point because you'll eventually give up on the person helping you.
Everyone has the potential to get better even if you don't think you do you actually do and you just need to find a way to get to your happiness.
Monday, April 18, 2016
Back story
It took me so long to get confident in myself because I didn't always have someone there for me. Even if I did I didn't really feel like they were there because they never saw that I was in pain from just being me.
I wanted the people around me to see that I was in pain and it didn't stand out to them that I was hurting and they didn't see it until i started hurting myself which I don't regret because everyone has a back story and honestly I'm proud of mine. It could've gone another way but it didn't and the way I took it was by starting to cut myself. I can say I've had my ups and downs with this self harm issue but I'm currently on month 3 of not hurting myself because if I do then I'm never going to get better and that's not what I want.
I want a life where I can be happy and live life to the fullest and make a life where I see beauty in things but also see the dark in other things. I want to help people when they are hurting like I was because no one should go through that pain because its horrible and not worth hurting yourself over it because what happens if you decide to hurt yourself bad enough that there's no return? There's no reason to kill yourself because there is a light in your darkness and you just have to find the right people that will help you find that light.
The darkness can only last so long and if you think its going to last for ever just know I'm here for you and I always will be. Why? Because you need one person who will always believe in you and will have your back and will let you cry on their shoulder or let you call them at 3 am and pick up the phone because if you're calling that late they will know that your sad and you need someone to reassure you that they will always be there and they will help you. Even if you don't want to find someone help you find the light in your life you can find it and make it brighter or a little less dark. There is that light you just have to find it and make it yours, no one can take that light away, sure they can dim it but they can't take it away or put it out.
I wanted the people around me to see that I was in pain and it didn't stand out to them that I was hurting and they didn't see it until i started hurting myself which I don't regret because everyone has a back story and honestly I'm proud of mine. It could've gone another way but it didn't and the way I took it was by starting to cut myself. I can say I've had my ups and downs with this self harm issue but I'm currently on month 3 of not hurting myself because if I do then I'm never going to get better and that's not what I want.
I want a life where I can be happy and live life to the fullest and make a life where I see beauty in things but also see the dark in other things. I want to help people when they are hurting like I was because no one should go through that pain because its horrible and not worth hurting yourself over it because what happens if you decide to hurt yourself bad enough that there's no return? There's no reason to kill yourself because there is a light in your darkness and you just have to find the right people that will help you find that light.
The darkness can only last so long and if you think its going to last for ever just know I'm here for you and I always will be. Why? Because you need one person who will always believe in you and will have your back and will let you cry on their shoulder or let you call them at 3 am and pick up the phone because if you're calling that late they will know that your sad and you need someone to reassure you that they will always be there and they will help you. Even if you don't want to find someone help you find the light in your life you can find it and make it brighter or a little less dark. There is that light you just have to find it and make it yours, no one can take that light away, sure they can dim it but they can't take it away or put it out.
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